Titans Tuesday: Dear Diary

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Recently, I had the great fortune of stumbling upon a stack of diaries and journals – diaries and journals that belong to members of the Tennessee Titans. Don’t ask me how I gained access to them. I would get some people in serious trouble if I told you. Needless to say, what I found written in these journals was eye opening. I do want to apologize to the players and coaches involved in what could be perceived as an invasion of their privacy. My bad. Now, let’s get to the good stuff! (My comments in parentheses following the diary/journal entries.)

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Marcus Mariota’s journal. 6/13/2016:

Life is great. I’m so excited about the season. I can’t wait until it gets here. I think the coaches are happy with my progress in the offseason. They seem to be. My teammates are just the best. Great guys.

I think I am going to surf a lot when OTA’s are over. That’s super fun.

Cool thing happened yesterday. I saw a cat stuck in a tree so I climbed up there and saved it. It seemed really grateful. Then, I saw an old lady trying to cross the road but the cars were driving too fast so I helped her cross. She thanked me with a lollipop. That was neat. I just love life right now!

(What a guy! I’m convinced he spends his night flying around the city in red underwear thwarting crime.)

 

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Taylor Lewan’s diary. 6/11/16: (Heavily edited to keep it PG rated.)

Dear diary, I got another tat today. ******** it’s rad! It really compliments the other ones I have. I think it makes my eyes ****** pop as well. And my eyes already pop like *******!

 The coaches are being super ******* ***** hard on me right now, but that’s ok. I need to step it up. Last season was a complete **********. Except for my radio show. That was great. I am so **** ***** funny! ****** ********** **** ********* *** ******* ** ***************************************** ******************************** ***** ***************************!!!

(Way to keep things classy Taylor.)

 

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Brett Kern’s journal. 6/9/16:

I’ve been perusing the internet for stories about me. Nothing. Dang it! Why doesn’t anyone write stories about punters? We are NFL players too. We train just as hard as the next guy. We have important roles to play as well. I mean sure, we don’t really practice with the other guys. And we don’t have to do all the extreme workouts. But we do stuff too! I stay limber. I do Yoga. Got to keep my hammies loose! I just wish for once, somebody wo

(Zzzzzzzzzz. Sorry. I think I nodded off for a second.)

 

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Ben Jones’s journal. 6/11/16:

Man, I wish I had never told people about the pee story. Why did I think that was a good idea? Now, every time somebody interviews me they have to ask me about drinking pee. It happened one time. It was a dare! Plus, some cultures think there are actually health benefits, so it’s not like I did something that is insane. Next person that asks me about drinking pee is getting crushed.

(I hate to break it to Ben, but if you tell a “I drank pee” story, that’s pretty much going to follow you around the rest of your life.)

 

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Ropati Pitoitua’s journal. 6/7/16:

In the absence of clarity, one must look inward to discover true potentiality. Be not afraid o timid soul! The light and life of being has taken root and shall forevermore be undaunted.

Man, I hope I don’t get cut.

(….awkward…)

 

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Justin Hunter’s journal. 6/12/16

 

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(This explains so much…)

 

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Derrick Henry’s Alabama themed diary. 6/14/16:

ROLL TIDE!!!!

(I’m pretty sure it’s a cult of some sort.)

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Matt Cassel’s journal. 6/9/16:

I won 11 games when I started for the Patriots. 11 games. They only give me credit for 10 of them since pretty boy started in the first game, but I was on the field when we won. I deserve the credit for that win. But such is the life of a backup QB in the NFL. Brady is overrated…

(Matt Cassel is just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him.)

 

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Terry Robiskie’s diary. 6/7/16:

It’s Bingo night baby!

(Old people. Am I right?)

Phill Lytle

I love: Jesus, my wife, my kids, my church, my family, my friends, Firefly, 80's rock, Lost, the Tennessee Titans, the St. Louis Cardinals, Brandon Sanderson books, Band of Brothers, Thai food, music, books, movies, TV, writing, Arrested Development, pizza, vacation, etc...

3 thoughts on “Titans Tuesday: Dear Diary

  • June 28, 2016 at 10:46 am
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    Brilliant! Hilarious!

    You could do this with players of opposing teams throughout the season, like a post-game journal entry.

    Reply
    • June 28, 2016 at 10:55 am
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      Absolutely. The possibilities are endless when you are just making up everything!

      Reply
  • June 28, 2016 at 4:55 pm
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    This is hilarious. I don’t know all of these players but I still *get* it.

    Reply

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