It’s been a pretty good year. I really don’t have anything to complain about. Things are good. But, I believe with a little help from you, things could be even better. Perhaps even great. So, here is my Christmas wish list:
— It would be so great if the Tennessee Titans made the playoffs this year. It’s been way too long since this fan-base has seen their team in the postseason. Eight years, to be more specific. And that playoff appearance is especially painful to remember because the Titans lost to the stupid Baltimore Ravens…again. Man I hate the Ravens! Sorry! I’ll try to control my emotions. It’s just that the Ravens are so dumb. They are just the worst team ever. Anyway…back to the Titans. For the first time in years, Nashville has a team to be proud of. A team that plays hard every single week. That is so cool. And has been so absent for so long. The Titans are 7-6. They have three games left, so if you could do anything that would help them win these final three games, that would be awesome! Not sure what that is, but you are Santa and you have powers of some sort so clearly you should be able to use those powers to help out the team.
— Speaking of the Titans, could you somehow inform the media that the Titans are not a punching bag/laughing stock any more? They just beat the defending Super Bowl champion Denver Broncos and all any of them want to talk about is Harry Douglas’ legal but kinda dirty block on Chris Harris Jr. It would be cool to see the national media actually say some good stuff about my favorite team. It’s not a big deal though. If they keep winning, eventually, the media will be forced to talk about them. Oh, and speaking of dirty blocks and overreactions – could you make sure Aqib Talib is on your naughty list this year? That dude is crazy. And dangerous. And a 100% hypocrite if he is complaining about anyone else being dirty. He flat out poked Dwayne Allen in the eye last season. He tried to blind another player and he is crying about a legal block to the knee? Not to mention he then threatened to physically beat up Douglas when they see each other over the summer. Umm…is the NFL okay with their players threatening other players off the field? Wait, did I just ask if Goodell and the NFL have any clue what they are doing? My bad! They will probably invite Talib to speak to the rookies this offseason about sportsmanship and being a good citizen.
— Speaking of Goodell–could you make sure he gets fired this year?
— I’m going to see Rogue One: A Star Wars Story this weekend with my boys. I hope it’s good. At this point, you have no control over the quality of the film, but since you are Santa, maybe you have more power in this regard than even I imagine. Could you make sure it’s good? We are all very excited about it.
— Back to the Titans…Could you explain to the local radio sports talkers that the Titans completely control their own destiny now? I keep hearing them talk about all these crazy scenarios to get the Titans in the playoffs. Wild card scenarios. Winning the division scenarios. Houston losing here, Indy losing there. None of that matters. If the Titans win out they are in. Period. Those are the facts. I realize that expecting the Titans to win out is a bit unrealistic, but at least acknowledge it when discussing the playoffs.
— Could you make sure it snows when we are not traveling this Christmas season? I hate driving in bad weather. If this is outside of your purview, could you please put in a good word for me?
— Could you fix the Titans’ special teams unit? Too much? Okay, I’ll move on to something else.
Okay. I think that’s about it for now. These are all the little, less important things on my list this year. I’m taking the big stuff over your head. Stuff like peace on earth, goodwill towards men. You know, the stuff that really matters. But, I think you are just the guy for the stuff on the list above. It’s in your wheelhouse. So, here’s hoping you can help out a little this year.
Merry Christmas, Santa.