Years ago, in previous decades of our nation, there were times the citizens of our great country disagreed. In fact, going back even further and examining other countries, nations, and cultures, disagreement has always been part of the human experience. In times of old, disagreements were debated, argued, and discussed. Those in conflict examined the issues with logic, reason, burnings, and wars. Disagreements were handled with maturity and nuance. And violence. Mature and nuanced violence. Things have changed in the intervening years. Today, if you disagree with someone, particularly on issues of economics, culture, society, crime, wages, religion, arts, law enforcement, politics, sports, education, fashion, and identity, the best way to win the argument and destroy your opponent’s position is to yell “Racist!” as loudly as possible. Don’t worry about having any real proof of racism. Just the simple accusation is enough. It will save you time and effort and will keep you from having to listen to, understand, or respect the other person’s position. It will save you from actual fighting as well. Who has time to actually fight other people?
Now that you have the ultimate argumentative weapon in your arsenal, here are the five key Indicators that the person you are debating with is a racist so you can unleash hell on their unsuspecting head.
1. They are probably a racist if they are from the South.
Everyone knows that people that come from the South are predisposed to be racist. For one thing, those accents are clear indicators of racist thoughts and ideas. Movie and television shows are very clear on this issue as well, and we all know how trustworthy and true-to-life those are. Plus, the trump card (pun fully intended) is the American Civil War. The South loved owning slaves and was willing to fight their fellow citizens to keep those slaves. That alone will forever make them racists.
2. They are probably a racist if they are an Evangelical Christian.
Follow the math: If most people in the South are racist, and most Evangelical Christians live in the South, then it only makes sense that most Evangelical Christians are racists. The math is sound. And settled. Don’t argue with it or you are anti-math and a racist.
3. They are probably a racist if they are a Republican.
Two words: Donald Trump. What more proof do you need? Republicans nominated and then elected the most racist person ever. You don’t elect a racist if you are not a racist yourself.
4. They are probably a racist if they are a man.
Men are the worst. All men have a built-in need to dominate and control. Men make more money than women do and it’s totally unfair. Men hold more positions of power, influence, and prestige than women. It stands to reason then, that men are going to use that power and influence to oppress minorities. Why should they limit themselves to only oppressing women?
5. They are probably a racist if they are white.
White people are the most racist people in the history of humanity. Just ask any college professor at any legitimate university in the country. If you are white, your chances of NOT being a racist are slim. You come from a long line of oppressors, subjugators, and enslavers. There is just no getting around that.
You are now armed with an unbeatable debate tactic. Use it liberally. More importantly, though, examine that list above. Do you fall into any of those categories? If so, please take steps to counteract your inherent racism. Publicly apologize frequently for your privilege and racism. Make generous reparations and make them frequently. For those of you that are Southern, evangelical Christian, Republican, white males: you are without a doubt the absolute worst. How do you sleep at night?