Five Random (and Mostly Mad) Musings on the Solar Eclipse of 2017

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The Great Solar Eclipse of 2017 instigated many a thought, and thoughts in thoughts, and side pockets of thoughts in thoughts, and ever on and on. Not just in me, but in everyone in the galaxy, almost all earthlings, four out of five extra-terrestrials, and those two old guys sitting on the sun yelling at someone to shut the door because they’re too cold. Everyone has thoughts. I think. Anyway, I, yes even I, had thoughts of my own as the eclipse flashed before my eyes. Here are a few random bits of those thoughts. Most of these are as mad as a Hatter, with the last being pretty serious. Enjoy.

1. I am super glad the world didn’t end during the eclipse, because I haven’t even seen an effective over-the-counter invisible potion yet. This is my ultimate dream. Yeah, I know a few months ago I wrote an article categorizing five stupendous reasons why becoming invisible is probably a bad idea. Yeah, well, I guess it’s the danger element. You know how people are drawn to doing things that are not a good idea? Like snorkeling. Everyone wants to snorkel, but you know you can drown. For reals. I know and let me tell you you can have it. I’m done with the whole shebang. What happens is you end up all panicky and suffocating and almost drowning in two feet of water and floundering about while two kids gawk at the strange man pretending to be an epileptic walrus. Anways, about how the passing of the eclipse and the world not ending is a pretty good thing right now. Totes awes. It paves the way for a clean slate where the medical and magical community have time to combine their considerable efforts to concoct a safe and legal pharmaceutical drug. Until that day I will just have to do what I usually do and act all invisible. If my dream happens by the next eclipse, we’ll be good to go.

2. I wonder what happens to werewolves during a total solar eclipse. Usually it’s the case that people with the werewolfian affliction turn from their human form into their werewolf form when the full moon shines upon the earth. During a total solar eclipse it’s pretty much the exact opposite. So what happens to werepeople when that happens? Do they turn into the opposite of werewolves? What is that, werekitty? Whatever the case the were-community is staying mum on the issue. There was no comment from their neck of the woods…OF HORROR!!! It does not look like an answer to this question is soon forthcoming since it gets real, real dark during solar eclipsi so that we are literally in the dark on the issue.

3. Watching the moon ease its way over the sun on Monday I thought many a profound thought, meditated on many a deep question. Chief among them: Did an eclipse inspire the creation of Pac-Man? Looked at another way, the crescent formed could very well have been Lewis Carrol’s muse for the Cheshire Cat’s mad grin. How about Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart”? (Obviously.) And those are just a few examples. There are songs, movies, toys, books, etc. Any way you look at it, the solar eclipseses of yore have had a dramatic impact on popular culture. The solar eclipse of 2017 has transcended above a one-time natural occurrence and has given lasting inspiration to millions, maybe billions. It is truly a total eclipse of our hearts.

4. Another reason I’m relieved the eclipse didn’t end the earth was I thought of an awesome joke that would otherwise have heartbreakingly never been told. I present to you my newest standup material:

Darth Vader: What have I told you, bounty hunter?

Boba Fett: No disintegrations.

Darth Vader: No. I’m Fett up with you. Boom! (Heavy breathing)

And there you have it. I thought it up by myself in my brain. You can thank me later. I’m thinking of continuing the routine by having Admiral Piett try to top Vader with a crazy Boba-themed pun of his own like “that was Bounty to happen” or “OOOh, shishka-Boba.” That’s still in development stage, though. Good thing there’s not another eclipse on the horizon. Oh, yeah. See what I did there?

5. Serious time here: I was not really expecting much from the eclipse, but it ended up being many times better. In fact, it was undoubtedly one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. The ring of fire and then total darkness of the eclipse itself was an awesome act of God itself, but thankfully I took the time to take off my glasses and observe my surroundings during totality. As we all know it became as dark as night, but there was also an apparent sunset in all the horizons that we could see from my sister’s house. I have read that this is something that usually happens during a total eclipse and that this apparent sunset is a phenomenon that happens in every direction. And there was also the shifting and mysterious shadows that moved across the earth, the trees, the houses as the moon moved off of the sun and the light and the humid heat of day gradually returned. Fellow contributor, Phill Lytle, has commented that God stopped the human madness of the passed few weeks to show us the power of His handiwork. (Not his exact words.) Indeed He has.

Ben Plunkett

Greetings from the booming metropolis that is Pleasant View, Tennessee. I am a man of constant spiritual highs and spiritual lows. I pray that I serve God at my highest even when I am lowest.

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