Unprecedented Celebration Erupts After Hillary Clinton Announces She is Not Running for President

Washington, D.C. – In a show of unity not seen since the days after 9/11, the entire nation has come together to rejoice and celebrate the announcement that Hillary Clinton has finally given up any delusions of ever being the President of the United States. A party has broken out all over the country. Socialists and hard-core Capitalists are hugging in the streets. Ted Cruz and Nancy Pelosi were seen sharing a delicious ice cream sundae. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Donald Trump performed an inspiring Karaoke duet of Kool and the Gang’s classic, “Celebration.” Rachel Maddow and Tucker Carlson won the three-legged race tournament that was co-sponsored by MSNBC and Fox News. Bernie Sanders literally cannot stop smiling and laughing. Even the weather has been in the best mood ever, with temps in the mid-70s and nothing but sunshine as far as the eye can see.

Already three days in, there are no signs this newfound harmony will dissipate any time soon.

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Phill Lytle

I love: Jesus, my wife, my kids, my family, my friends, my church, Firefly, 80s rock, Stranger Things, the Tennessee Titans, the St. Louis Cardinals, Brandon Sanderson books, Band of Brothers, Thai food, music, books, movies, TV, writing, Arrested Development, pizza, vacation, etc...

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