Monday, December 30, 2024
SatireMiscThe Five

Five Reasons I Hope Donald Trump Is Our Next President

Is there anything in American society that is more obnoxious, loud, and infuriating than the current state of politics? It all feels so corrupt and useless. When I think of the current presidential race in general, and Donald Trump specifically, I pretty much run the entire emotional gamut: frustration to anger to laughter to sadness. We have a country of over 300 million people. Many of those people are amazing, intelligent, moral, and respectable. Somehow, our system has missed all those people and we are left with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump as our final two options for the next President1 Really? As a nation, we couldn’t do better than that?

So, it might seem like the title of this article is a bit incongruent with the actual content. Very observant of you. I don’t really want Trump to be President. That’s a dumpster fire waiting to happen. Even so, I can think of a few really good reasons I would be okay with Trump being our 45th President.2

 

1. We deserve Donald Trump, President of the United States.

Is that too harsh? Too judgy? I don’t really care anymore. As a nation, our values our so screwed up that President Trump not only makes sense, it feels right. Just watch the nightly news if you don’t understand what I am saying. We value money above almost anything. We celebrate success at all costs. We care more about animals than we do human life.3 If there is anyone that can be the face of our national insanity, it’s Donald J. Trump.

 

2. President Trump would be wildly unpredictable and occasionally hilarious.

The simple truth of the matter is, it takes a pretty big ego to run for president. You have to truly believe you are capable of running the world’s most powerful country. That takes some serious self-confidence.4 And Trump might actually have more confidence in his ability to lead than anyone that has ever even dreamed about being president. President Obama likes to talk about his accomplishments. He likes to remind us of all the great things he has done. President Trump would be like that on steroids. Every action would be HUGE! WONDERFUL! AMAZING! He would yell at reporters.5 Mock foreign dignitaries that questioned him or his actions in any way. Make up stuff on the fly and when called on it, he would say that everyone is just jealous of all his money, success, women, fame, buildings, children, looks, blah, blah, blah…

 

3. We would have a giant wall just like China. Only ours would be so much bigger and nicer and more luxurious, you wouldn’t believe!

Seriously, we are the most powerful and wealthy nation on the planet and we don’t have a giant wall already? What have we been waiting for? I want a wall I can see from space. I want that wall to be so big, you could land Air Force One on it. A Trump Presidency = The Best Wall of America. So much better than that Great Wall of China.

 

4. Lots of sanctimonious liberals would leave the country.

I’ve lost track of how many liberal celebrities have threatened to leave the country if Trump is elected president. We can only hope they follow through on their threats. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want them to leave because I dislike them. I enjoy being constantly reminded what a horrible human being I am as much as the next white, conservative male. No, I want them to leave because it’s the honest thing to do. I wouldn’t want them to have to live with that broken promise for the rest of their lives.

 

5. Christians could start choosing faith over party.

In all seriousness, this is not a judgment of anyone that has voted or will vote for Donald Trump. I understand the reasoning and the logic behind such a vote. Contrary to what some have said, you can be a Christian and vote for Trump.6 What I am suggesting is this: If you are a conservative Christian, if and when Donald Trump says or does something that goes against biblical teaching, side with Scripture. If Trump treats a woman with disrespect, speak out against that. Don’t support it or excuse it because he is a Republican. If a Trump policy violates Christian belief in some way, be prepared to take a stand against that instead of turning away in silence simply because of what political party he represents. To be honest, I’m not holding my breath any of this will happen. Conservative Christians have been too willing to go along with the Republican party for years. I don’t see that changing any time soon.

 

This November, get out and vote. Though you might need to shower after you do.

 

 

  1. Sorry Bernie. Not really, but way to give it the “old college try.”
  2. Or maybe they are terrible reasons, but this whole thing has me so confused I don’t know what I am talking about anymore.
  3. Piece of evidence #1.  Piece of evidence #2. Piece of evidence #3.
  4. Bill Raftery helps explain things.
  5. I’m actually kinda okay with this.
  6. Here is one example of people that have said just that.
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Phill Lytle

Phill Lytle loves Jesus, his wife, his kids, his family, his friends, his church, J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, 80s rock, the Tennessee Titans, Brandon Sanderson books, Whiteheart, Band of Brothers, Thai food, the Nashville Predators, music, books, movies, TV, writing, pizza, vacation...

13 thoughts on “Five Reasons I Hope Donald Trump Is Our Next President

  • “Every country has the government it deserves.”

    Good article. For the first time in my voting-age life, there is chance I’ll be exercising my right to NOT vote.

    Reply
  • Awesome post, totally agree. Although, I’m not sure every country has the government it deserves. Does North Korea really deserve its dictatorship? Do so many African countries deserve corrupt despots at the helm? Maybe every **true democracy** has the government it deserves. But I would not want friends, colleagues, and fellow Christians living in oppressive and systemically harmful environments to think that that’s somehow okay because they earned it. But the point is, this is truly a great piece of writing. Thanks!

    Reply
    • David Lytle

      I agree, Natalie. Most people in history have lived under opressive systems. I wouldn’t say they deserve it.

      Reply
      • Phill Lytle

        We are all depraved sinners. We deserve every bad thing that happens to us.

        Original sin juke!

        Reply
        • Ben Plunkett

          Very good point.

          Reply
        • Natalie C

          Just now coming back to look at this. I would say yes and no to your statement. We absolutely deserve God’s judgment, no question about that. But assuming that systemic evil *is* God’s judgment is not the same thing. God can use suffering in our lives (I would say that sometimes he even ordains it). But I would not say that despots, tyrants, and others who perpetrate evil against people are doing so because those people deserve it. That would be similar to telling someone who was raped that though it’s sad it happened, they still deserve it because of their original sin. That’s not true and it’s certainly not helpful. The doctrine of original sin explains the WHY of sin and evil. But it does not provide an EXCUSE for evil and injustice. We should still be outraged that wickedness and corruption exist. Original sin simply teaches us not to be surprised by it.

          Reply
          • Phill Lytle

            In case it wasn’t clear Natalie, I was joking. Hence the “original sin juke” part at the end.

      • I should look up quotes and the context in which they are said before quoting them.

        But, on another note, it’s easy to obey Romans 13 in my comfortable world, but I have wondered how shallow I would be in this area if I had lived or if I did live under such governments you both mention.

        Reply
  • Natalie, I don’t completely agree with the quote, either, but this article made me think of it in America’s case!

    Reply
  • This is a hard choice for all American. No matter who will be the president, we should pray for him/her.
    The most important thing is ——-I am so glad I don’t need to choose!

    Reply
    • Phill Lytle

      You are very lucky.

      Reply
    • So true, Denkie! Praying for the next President is important!
      And, this is the only time I will tell you this, be glad you are not choosing!!

      Reply

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