The REO Rant: February
February: A Swirling Maelstrom of Despair
I usually consider January the worst month in history, but it is close. It’s neck and neck with February. Plus, January is over, so I blew that one. No matter. February is probably just as horrible. It’s wet, cold, and completely bland. And January and February love making dark alliances to foster sickness – the everlasting crud. It drains the head, mind, and brain.
Some might say that there is Valentine’s Day, that beacon of heart-shaped joy, that holiday of eternal looove. Joy–hah! Love–my foot! Maybe love and joy if you’re a seller of flowers or chocolates or pink cards. Because that’s all V Day is really, just a big old marketing gimmick. (Okay, fine, I’m good with the chocolate since it heals the soul and keeps Dementors at bay.)
In truth, February is so pathetic and losery a month that it couldn’t even work up to as many days as its 11 brothers and sisters. And the number it does have always jumps back and forth from 29 to 28. So not only is it pathetic and losery, it’s also incredibly fickle.
Truth be told, pretty sure January has an edge in the race since I am practically drowned in its particular brand of the swirling maelstrom of despair every year. With February, the dark, dirty waters of another maelstrom are all too near, but I usually manage to elude them. Usually. Sometimes, though, I do almost drown in it like the best of ‘em. So let’s just go ahead and say that both are equally malevolent and dark and pretty much the worst thing ever. I say we abolish them both from the calendar completely. Let us never speak of them again. May it be as if they had never been born. Strike their names from our records. So let it be written. So let it be done.
Ben was a founding member of Rambling Ever On and a regular contributor and editor until his untimely death in April 2020.
We wrote a tribute to him, but the best tribute you can give him would be to read all the wonderful poems, short stories, book reviews, theological essays, and ridiculous satire pieces he wrote for us. Pass them on to others and maybe allow Ben to inspire you to write something yourself.
- The Chorus (Considering Ecclesiastes) - November 20, 2024
- The Aftermath (Considering Ecclesiastes) - September 24, 2024
- A Lesson (Considering Ecclesiastes) - August 20, 2024
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“Swirling maelstrom” — nice!
My wife hates February – and all of winter for that matter – but she hates “rants” almost as much. I have a feeling this article is leaving her very confused on how to react.
I AM very torn. This speaks to my soul.
I have been freezing since September.
This speaks to my soul too. This is the toughest stretch of Winter for me and mine. It’s been going for months and we still have weeks to go before consistent 60 degree days.
“And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”
And that is the only way I’ve managed to stay sane in this crazy maelstrom that is social media.
Valentine’s day is just a day for lonely people to feel even more lonely than usual while making themselves sick by eating candy to drown their miserable feelings. February sucks. That’s why it only has 28 days because people wouldn’t be able to stand 30 or even 31 days of February.