Parents, Embrace the Cringe
Hello there! For any of our readers over a certain age, you might be wondering what cringe even means and how any of this applies to you. Since I am young and hip, I come prepared with a definition from Merriam-Webster:
With that out of the way, I’m going to do my best to keep this one light and breezy. No deep or heavy “sanctification of their souls” sort of conversation here. Mom and Dad, if you haven’t already, one day soon you are going to absolutely embarrass your children. Something you say or do will cause a dramatic eye roll and perhaps even an exaggerated sigh. I’m here to tell you that not only is this totally okay and normal, but it’s also something you should actively attempt to replicate. Your children are going to find you a bit cringey at times. Embrace it.
Embrace the cringe.
Perhaps you need some practical examples. Fair enough. Dad, you have jokes. Some of your jokes are probably only funny to you. Yet you still tell them as often as possible. When your kids are young, they are a captive audience, and they usually eat up those jokes like they are the work of a master comedian. As your kids age, those jokes will land with far less frequency. In fact, most of them are going to bomb. Keep telling them. You are doing the Lord’s work.
Your kids are going to groan and say things like, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, Dad!” Let their response feed your soul. It will sharpen your skills, honing them to legendary “Dad Joke” status. But more importantly, it will bond you to your children. Hear me out.
A lot of people go into parenting wanting their kids to think they are the coolest parents in the world. Not only is that virtually impossible to achieve, but it’s also not worth pursuing. You are the parent. You are not there to be cool or best friends or any other nonsense like that. You are their guide, their teacher, their biggest supporter, and their chief disciplinarian. They should respect you, but they should also feel comfortable enough around you to think you are a bit cringe. Not that your behavior is objectively embarrassing, but that your behavior is specifically embarrassing to them.
Mom and Dad, kiss in front of your kids. Flirt. Hug. Do the things that will cause your children to grimace, close their eyes, and yell, “GROSS!!!” They don’t actually think it’s gross. Deep down, seeing your obvious romantic love for each other will do more for their emotional formation than just about anything else. I know I cringed when my dad made flirty comments to my mom when I was a teenager. But I am so happy he did. They modeled the exact kind of relationship I needed to see.
Mom, your children will find a lot of your music cringe. Listen anyway. Dad, your kids will think some of the shows and movies you watch are cringe. Watch anyway. Parents, your wonderful offspring will cringe at some of the clothes you wear. Wear them anyway. Do not avoid being you simply because it affects the delicate sensibilities of your precious little angels. Be authentically you and your kids might cringe, but underneath the full-body sighs, they will respect you all the more because authenticity means honesty and trustworthiness.
Soap Box Time
Be willing to be cringe by not letting your kids dive headfirst into every new technology. It’s okay if they are the last kid in the grade to get a smartphone. In fact, the more we learn about smartphones and social media, being the cringey parents who won’t let their kids indulge in these things is actually the better and healthier choice. It will be hard but also completely worth it.
Back to our regularly scheduled cringe programming.
Now, the one area of this where I’ll push back a little is those parents who seem to take some twisted glee in publicly embarrassing their children. THAT is not what I’m discussing here. Shaming, embarrassing, and provoking your children in that manner is ugly and borderline abusive. As their parents, you are the guardians of their hearts and emotional well-being. Take that job seriously. Cringe-worthy moments should only ever come from a place of love. You are the object of cringe, not your children.
Being cool is overrated. Don’t make that a parenting goal. Your kids will not care if you are cool. They will care that you love each other and that you love them. Your children will appreciate your authenticity, though maybe not totally in the moment. Growing up, I had friends whose parents seemed a lot cooler than mine. At times, I was jealous. But looking back, I can see the cracks and the flaws in those families. Being cool did not protect them from falling apart. My parents were cringe from time to time, but they loved me fiercely and molded me into the man I am today, all while being 100% themselves.
Love your kids. Be yourself. Embrace the eye rolls and the sighs. Embrace the cringe.
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I appreciate you sharing these insights, Phill.