Things We Would Rather Do Than Vote in the 2016 Presidential Election.

Tomorrow, November 8th, 2016, is Election Day. It’s the day when millions of Americans will cast their vote for the next President of the United States. We are not here to tell you how to vote. Your vote is between you and God. (Or you and Satan if you vote for Hillary.) No, we would not dream of trying to sway the vote in any way. Everyone on staff at REO plans to vote. None of us is excited about it. It is our civic duty, with a really strong emphasis on duty. So, to pass the time, we decided to make a list of things we would rather do than vote this year. We hope that in some small way, this list will provide assistance and enlightenment during this difficult and confusing time.

• Light myself on fire. – Mike Lytle

• Light Mike on fire. – Ben Plunkett

• Root for the Cubs. – Phill Lytle

• Start P90X. – Mike Lytle

• Hold a 24-hour movie marathon of Kate Hudson films. – Phill Lytle

• Listen to a lecture on methods of differentiated instruction. – David Lytle

• Listen to a 45-minute lecture by Skip Bayless on how Tom Brady is the Greatest QB of all time. – Gowdy Cannon

• Decapitate myself. Twice. – Ben Plunkett

• Create my own “Best of Justin Bieber” playlist on Spotify. – Mike Lytle

• Get a second vasectomy. – Phill Lytle

• Get a first vasectomy. – Mike Lytle

• Go shopping with Johnny Weir. Or go shopping. – Ben Plunkett

• Wear sweatpants in public. – Phill Lytle

• Turn around and shake hands at church. – Gowdy Cannon

• Participate in hot yoga. – Phill Lytle

• Do detention with Deloris Umbridge. – Gowdy Cannon

• Use the term “micro-aggressions” with total sincerity. – Phill Lytle

• Wallow in freakish misery. – Ben Plunkett

So there you have it. This is only a small fraction of the numerous things we could think of that would be more fun and more fulfilling than voting this year. But, we are honor bound to participate in this key aspect of our democratic republic. When you go to the polls tomorrow, we want you to remember one thing: You get to live with the shame of your choice for the rest of your life. Happy voting!!!

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Ben Plunkett

Greetings from the booming metropolis that is Pleasant View, Tennessee. I am a man of constant spiritual highs and spiritual lows. I pray that I serve God at my highest even when I am lowest.

Ben was a founding member of Rambling Ever On and a regular contributor and editor until his untimely death in April 2020.

We wrote a tribute to him, but the best tribute you can give him would be to read all the wonderful poems, short stories, book reviews, theological essays, and ridiculous satire pieces he wrote for us. Pass them on to others and maybe allow Ben to inspire you to write something yourself.

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