Top Five Reason We Don’t Have A Five Today – Part Three

We’ve done it again folks! Friday rolled around and we were caught with our hands in the cookie jar. Or our pants down. Or is it our pants in the cookie jar? Or cookies in our pants? We have no idea what we are talking about.

Fridays on REO are when we roll out The Five. “What is The Five?” you ask. Unfortunately, no one can be…told what The Five is. You have to see it for yourself. Actually, we can tell you, but we choose not to because the whole point of this edition of The Five is that we are lazy and didn’t actually have one ready to go. So, you can go here to see what The Five is all about.

The point we are trying to make, and rather poorly we would add, is that we didn’t get anything together for today. We messed up. We failed. But, as the great song by Babyface says, “Sometimes a man is gonna be a man. It’s not an excuse, It’s just how it is.” And if we learned anything from Hollywood, “love means never having to say you’re sorry” so we are not about to apologize. Not even close.

All things considered, this could have turned out much worse. So without any more delay, here are the top five reasons we do not have a Five today.


Reason Number One: There I was just minding my own business, walking along as happy as you please. Big old Balrog dude, flaming idiot, red and flaming, doesn’t say a thing just roars like a moron, pulls out this yellow whippy thing. We fought and all for, like, a really long time. We made up, though. We’re bros, now, pals. But anyway.

Reason Number Two: I was too busy doing nothing.

Reason Number Three: I refuse to be a part of something so discriminatory and offensive. When did “five” become better and more important than four or seven? I find it to be unconscionable to grant this much numerical privilege to any single number. From this moment on, I will stand in opposition to “The Five” until we have a special feature for every number.

Reason Number Four: We were busy fighting three separate Twitter battles for the SALVATION OF THE UNIVERSE! You probably didn’t realize that Twitter is that powerful. It is. Nothing is better at clearly articulating an intelligent and well-reasoned point of view than 140 characters. I take that back. Memes are really good at that sort of thing as well. Twitter and memes are tied. Use them often and we can save our country and the world.

Reason Number Five: We were busy watching Groundhog Day 16 times.  We didn’t realize until later we were rewatching the same movie over and over.


About the picture… We used that picture because it’s awesome. I mean, look at that guy! He is adorable and he is playing a tiny trumpet. That alone invalidates any criticisms of this article and our lack of effort. You say something negative and we simply point at the little guy playing a little trumpet. End of discussion.

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