The Chosen and Being Helpless In Grief
Author’s Note: This article will contain major Season 4 Spoilers for The Chosen
The Chosen Season 4 dealing with human grief messed with my brain and heart in ways the first three seasons did not. And first, that’s a bold statement because the first three seasons do grip you emotionally and mentally. And secondly, it was something far beyond entertainment, even considering this show is historical fiction. Of the Bible no less.
Let me be clear that I adored this season and I am ecstatic for the remaining three seasons to be released. This show has drawn me in like a tractor beam and I am unashamed. It teaches me things about the Bible in fresh ways but also brings me joy. So this is not a complaint at all.
But to say that the tragic death of Ramah coupled with Thomas’s reaction (and also the other disciples’ reactions, her dad’s reaction, and even Jesus’s reaction) knocked the breath out of me would be an understatement.
It feels weird to say this because the life of Jesus is the realest thing in the world and this part of the story is completely fictional. But it’s almost too real. Anyone who has tried to help anyone through similar trauma probably can relate.
Grief does damage to the human psyche and soul in a way nothing else can do. And it causes us to realize just how helpless we are. Both in grief and in support of it. Beyond the psychological and spiritual warfare grief attacks us with, being helpless about it makes it even worse. Humans by nature avoid pain, and when we experience it, we by nature try to work to end it or at least to alleviate it. Grief, in general, does not allow this. Human wisdom and effort are powerless. There is no medicine.
Watching Thomas try to navigate his grief in the days after Ramah’s death has been by far the hardest part of this show to stomach. It reminded me of many times in my 22 years as a pastor that I have had to walk with people through the heartwrenching grief of unexpected death. It reminded me of how helpless we truly are. Today I want to explore four ways that came to mind as I watched.
Grief and The Helplessness of Counsel
We’ve talked about this on this site and I have heard numerous wise people talk about it throughout my life. Trying to counsel people with words in grief, even with Truth, is largely ineffective. Yet Peter and others try with Thomas, Peter even using his own experience with miscarriage.
And even though I know most people know verbal counsel to grief doesn’t help and at times can even be offensive, it still seems obvious to me that many people feel so badly for those in grief they just cannot help trying to say something, anything to help. We hate that we are helpless so even with good intentions it feels like we pretend we are not. I’ve seen this on social media a lot.
Grief And The Helplessness of Human Presence
I include this one because people like me are ever reminding others, especially other Christians, to “just be present”. They probably don’t need words, especially a lot of words, so just be a shoulder to cry on.
And while this isn’t useless, and no doubt God can use it mightily, it still reminds us how helpless we are. Because it doesn’t truly fix anything. And it’s OK for us to recognize that. We see John and Big James just trying to be there for Thomas. They put their hands on his shoulder, sit in the seething quiet with him and even physically help him along when needed. These are good and wise things. Yet Thomas remains utterly broken. And will be indefinitely. It’s a humbling, even humiliating experience.
Grief And The Helplessness of Belief
I must be very careful how I proceed here. Because I do not want to say anything unbiblical, and I unequivocally do not want to hurt anyone’s faith.
Yet we cannot deny that our belief in an almighty, all-powerful, and loving God does not take the soul-crushing sting of grief away. And it doesn’t make us any less helpless as mere humans.
I must add that the Bible is clear we do not grieve the way the world grieves, as those who do not have hope. And while that can mean a lot of things, I think the big one is that no matter how bad it gets, we do not let go of God. We keep believing in Him even if our feelings betray us. We trust that one day He will right everything wrong, no matter how much darkness envelopes us.
But from my experience, it doesn’t mean we cannot have visceral, horrific reactions to tragedy. I’ve seen Christians cry so hard I thought they were going to suffocate. I’ve seen Christians scream, wail, and beat the ground. I’ve even seen some who were so deeply affected their grief was beyond emotion. They were catatonic for days on end.
The former reminds me of Jesus in Hebrews 5:7 where it says He offered up prayers and supplications with “loud crying and tears,” presumably in the Garden of Gethsemane. So, we know even from Christ’s life this isn’t unspiritual.
Watching Jesus eventually remove Himself from Thomas’s grief in the show is agonizing. Thomas has put his trust entirely in Jesus. Yet, this does seem to illustrate how God seems absent when we are in the worst of grief. I know I have thought, “Where is God in all of this?” when the worst of suffering drowns me or my loved ones. I know He is there, but that belief simply does not do much, if anything, practically to help.
Jesus even recognizes this. Neither His presence nor counsel would do Thomas any good because there are some things Thomas cannot understand yet. I thought this was a bold and brave choice in plot direction. Because The Chosen being fiction in parts has drawn the ire of many critics online, and these types of decisions are the target of heresy claims.
Yet just because God does not do something does not mean He cannot. The Bible testifies emphatically that trust in God almost guarantees times you don’t feel His presence or understand His counsel. You can read any of over 60 psalms, the Book of Job, Habakkuk, and hundreds of verses across dozens of passages.
Grief And The Helplessness of Life Moving On
There is something especially depressing and humbling about this, so I saved it for last. Thomas is grieving, yet the mission continues. Jesus goes right back to preaching to His enemies, the very thing that indirectly led to Ramah’s death. And He raises Lazarus from the dead, which cuts deeply into the already wide-open wound of Thomas’s grief.
But it’s the last scene that got me the most. Jesus is riding into Jerusalem on a donkey for what we know as Palm Sunday. If you’d asked me to guess my emotions for this scene before the season began, I’m sure I’d have guessed joy and awe. Yet, all I could focus on was that Thomas was right there in Jesus’s circle as all of this was happening, angry and damaged beyond human repair. Instead of healing or even waiting, Jesus continues with God’s timeline for his last week on earth.
There’s something depressing to me about knowing that if I die tomorrow, a few hundred people would mourn, but 99.9999% of the world wouldn’t even blink. And to know that of those few hundred, most of them would move on in a few days or less. Even my wife and kids, though they’d live with some grief the rest of their lives, would have to achieve normalcy at some point.
The Chosen Season 4 shows this reality on steroids. Because after Ramah’s shiva, Jesus has a much bigger picture to think about. Thomas matters deeply to him, but doing God’s will is supreme. Life must go on. Jesus must lead His disciples to the week of his suffering, death, and resurrection.
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The greatest promise of Christianity is that because Jesus was resurrected, we too will be resurrected. We will see Him, just as He is, and we will live forever without an ounce of pain or injustice. Greif will be eradicated.
But in the meantime, we deal with it very imperfectly. As broken and helpless as humanly possible. It’s wholly bittersweet for The Chosen to teach us this.
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This season was as good as the previous seasons, but it left me feeling more drained and emotionally numb than before. This storyline had a lot to do with my response. Thank you for working through it and how it says so much about how we deal with grief in our own lives.
Thank you!!