Dear Church Member: Be the Church
I’m not going to waste any time today. This has been bouncing around in my head for months, and I feel like if I don’t put it “down on paper” as soon as possible, I’m going to miss my window. My premise is simple: If you are feeling disconnected or unsatisfied with your local church, the problem could be you.
Now, before you throw things at me or list all the reasons I’m wrong, believe me when I say that your particular situation could be much more complicated. Churches can be minefields of hurt feelings, poor leadership, or a myriad of other negative and destructive things. You very well might feel dissatisfied due to things that are completely beyond your control. This is absolutely possible.
Who is failing who?
Please hear me out, though. More often than not, those feelings of disconnectedness and dissatisfaction point back to the disaffected member and not the church itself. I’ve seen far too many people leave their local congregation in search of the perfect church that will meet all their needs. Too many people who are unhappy with the children’s ministry opt to run to a much larger congregation down the road because it offers more for their kids. People who become disillusioned with their local gathering because the music is not as vibrant or as professional at the closest mega church.
Again, before you sharpen your pitchforks, I’ve known plenty of people who have switched churches for good reasons. Ministry opportunities. Distance. Genuine issues with leadership or lack of vision. I am not condemning anyone for their choices here. If you have church hopped, this is not meant as an attack on you. It is a hopeful warning. If you have been attending somewhere you once felt at peace, a congregation whose vision you shared, but now find yourself feeling only negativity or even apathy, then I am hopeful that this warning will be a help to you.
I am going to be blunt here, but I hope that what I write will be received in the spirit in which it is written. I love the local church. More specifically, I love my congregation. I want to see it flourish, advancing the Kingdom of God with redeemed lives, acts service, and love. But for that to happen most effectively, church members need to be the Church. Not in some nebulous, hard to define way, but in a tactile and measurable manner. And if you are feeling disconnected, it might be time for you to examine your own dedication and involvement. Are you being the church?
In my experience, it is rare for someone who is plugged in at their local church to become disconnected. The ones who tend to lose that sense of closeness and connection are those who stop working, stop serving, and stop being anything other than pew warmers. Yes, they show up for Sunday morning worship, perhaps even for Sunday School as well, but they are there to be ministered to and not much else. They aren’t volunteering in any appreciable way. They aren’t connecting with their fellow believers in or out of the building. They have unplugged in nearly every way, yet they are shocked when they feel like outsiders looking in. I’m not sure what they expect.
When you work in the nursery, caring for the babies of your fellow members, you form attachments with the children and their families. When you teach that Sunday School class, you get to know the hopes and needs of those God has entrusted into your care. When you volunteer in other ways, you connect, you labor, and you become personally invested in the vision and the purpose of the church. It becomes very difficult to feel disconnected and dissatisfied when you are actively being the church on a daily basis.
If you feel like you have one foot out of the door already, give it one more try. Throw yourself into a ministry with everything you have. If you are dissatisfied with the children’s ministry, do something to improve it. Make the effort to get to know other members on a deeper level. Have them over for dinner. Invite them out for Sunday lunch. Pray for your congregation regularly. Talk to your pastor and ask what ministries need your help and how best you can serve. Please don’t leave until you do all you can to make your situation better.
Your church needs YOU.
The chances are that your local church desperately needs people like you. That mega church down the road might offer more events, more ministry options for your family, and better worship services, but it likely doesn’t need you in the same way as the one you are currently attending. If you care about your local congregation, you owe it to your fellow church members and to yourself to do everything you can to make it work.
It’s very possible that if you apply a consumer mindset to your church, you are going to be in this exact same situation a few years down the road at your new, shiny church. Change your mindset. It’s not there for your benefit alone. You ARE the church. Start acting like it and watch things change.
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Yes! Very timely and true.