So someone is talking to you and/or you are talking to them. Where do you look? We have all heard the term “looking into their eyes.” That’s plural. Both of their eyes at the same time? Is that even possible? Some people do say looking them in the eye. Well, which eye and how do you look in that eye. Commit to one way and be done with it! Here are five possible ways to look at someone in an eye.
Looking them in the right eye – Good choice. My favorite eye. All good things bask in the depths of this eye. You know that all-seeing eye on the top of that pyramid? Right eye. The right eye is known to gird itself with integrity. This is why you should never, ever trust a person who has an eyepatch over their right eye. Their integrity is obviously gone. Conversely, this is why you should absolutely trust a person with an eyepatch over his left eye. This is why I cotton to Nick Fury. I wish it weren’t the case that Jeff Bridge’s Rooster Cogburn wore his eyepatch over his right eye. Well…I’m giving him a pass cause he’s such a likable crusty curmudgeon.
Looking them in Left eye – This is the proverbial evil eye. Some say it is the one eye of Sauron, lidless and wreathed in flame. It is an ill wind that knows no good. Kidding. There are good things about it, unless it’s quivering. Although this eye is probably inferior to the right, if you start out with it, commit to it like there’s no tomorrow. But be careful with that left eye, it leadeth unto the right side of the brain and its creative crafty ways. Yes, my friends, very crafty that one.
Going Back and Forth Betwixt the Twain – Okay, so technically you can look them in both eyes at the same time if you use the back and forth technique. You have to take turns, though. Anyway, it’s an irritating option. This is a technique most often used by people who like to patronize. I’m not sure what it is but this is a good non-verbal way to make the individual feel two feet tall. If the left side of their head doesn’t understand your high and lofty ways, maybe the right side will get it.
Personally, I like to think that these pretentious back-and-forthers just can’t make up their feeble minds. They simply can’t commit.
Staring Between the eyes – This may get a little awkward if the ridge of their nose has a wart or continues a unibrow. It may also get a little weird if you are standing close enough that the speaker can tell you aren’t looking in their eye or eyes. And this begs the question, what in the world are you doing that close to them anyway? That’s the truly weird thing here. Just back off. And here we are back to the eyes. The vast majority of the time your best just sticking with an eye, preferably directly into the pupil.
Homing in on the mustard on their chin – In a land called Nowhere-Ever-At-Any-Time it is polite to not say anything at all about food on someone else’s face. It sure is fun, though. Not really. Sometimes depending on the person and situations it’s just too awkward to tell them. And once you know it’s there, it’s hard to concentrate on anything else they say–or anything else in the world, really.
But I’ll go ahead and be self-righteous and say that here in the real world of mature, mannered adults unless you’re like the notoriously rude Seinfeld gang who spurn all such Good Samaritan Laws, you will save them from the tragic embarrassment. So don’t be an Elaine or Kramer or Jerry or George and get back to what really matters here, the deep, dark well of the soul that is an eye.